Kissing the Shots Away
by Biker Babe21
Summary: When a needle-shy Caleb cuts himself on a rusty nail, he is convinced by his boss, Caduceus Clay, to get a tetanus shot. Once at the urgent care he is met with a very unique nurse with a very unique method of giving him his shot. Rated for mild blood and cursing. Critical Role Campaign 2. Caduceus Clay. Beauregard Lionett. Caleb Widogast and Jester Lavorre. Widojest. Modern AU


**AN****: This was for Widojest Week Day 3: kissing as a distraction. It is a modern AU wherein everyone is a human, and I got the idea from Full Metal Alchemist of all places. Enjoy!**

**Kissing the Shot Away**

Caleb Widogast had always hated needles at the best of times, and having one of those needles inside his own body was certainly one of those times. Beauregard knew first hand what it had been like when he had to go and get his most recent flu shot for his new job, and she would often regale their mutual friends of the tale at every opportunity. And Caleb would always sit there, face flushed in embarrassment, as she would tell of how she had had to wrestle him and hold him down. She would oftentimes embellish the story to make him seem more squeamish than he really was, but Nott and him would always be there to correct him. It was thereafter decided that any time he had to have a shot or a needle poking him, that Beau or her new girlfriend, Yasha, would be there to hold him in place.

While working his new job in the antique shop, a particularly old table had caught the tail end of his long coat and tripped him up. In the effort of freeing himself, he had scrapped his leg against the side where an old rusty nail was sticking out. The nail tore into his flesh leaving a nasty gash that left his already filthy and hole-ridden pants covered in blood.

Caduceus, the kindly old shopkeeper, had heard him cry out and immediately rushed over to help. He was gentle as he poked and prodded at the wound.

"Let's get you all cleaned up. That could get nasty if we don't," he told his employee. Caleb simply nodded. The gash wasn't that deep, but the pain from it still left him speechless. Caduceus led him to the small bathroom in the back and fished in the cupboard for the first aid kit.

"Ah…here it is," he announced when he finally found it. He laid it out on the sink and gestured for his charge to sit on the toilet lid. He looked at the wound just above his left knee.

"Hmm…you're gonna have to remove these," he said as he poked at his pants. A deep red graced the red-headed man's face.

"Is zat really necessary, Mr. Clay?" he asked.

"I'm afraid so, Mr. Caleb. I can't properly treat this without getting a better angle at it," he said softly. Caleb nodded and reluctantly removed his pants. It didn't take very long for the much taller man to clean and bandage his cut, and Caleb is relieved when Caduceus finally left him to put his pants back on.

As he left the bathroom, he told him in no uncertain terms that the injured man was to take the rest of the day off to rest his leg. Caleb protested, but the pink haired hippie was very persistent. Finally Caleb relented.

"Okay, but I vill be here tomorrow. I promise you zis." Caduceus waved him off.

"Just do us both a favor, preferably before you come back to work, make sure you get yourself a tetanus shot." And with that Caduceus was gone. The man may as well have told Caleb that he had cancer and only had a few days left to live. His normally pale complexion became ghostly, his palms were suddenly fountains of sweat, and his hands were shaking so badly he wasn't sure if he'd even be able to get himself home. With some extreme mental effort and several minutes of floundering, he finally managed to find and dial Beauregard's work number from his cell.

"This had better be good, Widogast! I'm not so trusting of our other instructor, Old man river," she warned. He snickered. Old man river was the name she had adopted for the latest instructor at the dojo/fitness place she worked at. He was apparently very good at what he did, but Beau had never been very good with authority figures or people showing her up. Both of which this man had seemed to do from day one.

"Ja, ja…don't vorry. It is a good vone," he assured her. He took a deep breath. He never did like getting on his roommates bad side and this was definitely going to get on her bad side.

"I need a ride home," he continued. He pulled the phone from his ear just in time to avoid blowing his eardrums out from the sound of her scream.

"WHAT?! THE FUCK'D YA DO?! DON'T TELL ME THAT OLD PIECE OF SHIT YOU DRIVE FINALLY DIED ON YOU? I TOLD YOU TO GET RID OF THAT OLD THING!"

"It is not zat, Beauregard. I am simply…I..uh..don't know if I vill be capable of drivink myself home," he said in a low tone. His face became flushed again.

"Huh?" she asked in confusion. It didn't take her very long to reign in that confusion and just go with it. It never did with her.

"So what gives? Deucy decide to give his resident bookworm a fucking break for once?"

"Ah, nein. I..uh," he trailed off. Now that he had to tell her why he needed to leave made him feel small and weak again. Not that his friends and roommates didn't already know that, but he certainly didn't need anything else for them to tease him about.

"Just promise you won't..um..it's kind of embarssink, Beauregard," he whispered into the phone. He could practically hear her smirk over the phone.

"Oooooo…..embarrassing…huh? What'd ya do? Stub your toe on an old chair? Get dust in your eye from a moth ridden book? Trip over a dirty old rug?" she teased.

"See, zis ist vhy I don't like tellink you eferysink zat goes on. You alvays turn it into a joke," he groans.

"Ah, come on, Widogast. I was just teasin' ya. Relax." He clears his throat.

"To answer your question, sough, I..um..cut myself on an old table. Caduceus vants me to go home and rest," he explained. The only reply he got was raucous laugher. He groaned again. Maybe calling her was a bad idea.

"Beau," he growled. Her laughter slowly died down and he could hear her gasping for breath for a few minutes.

"Okay…okay. So let me get this straight. You cut yourself on a table, which not gonna go into any details sounds deeply fucked up, Caleb." He rolled his eyes at the phone.

"And then Deucy tells you hey, Mr. Weak Knees, I'm sending you home to rest, and now you're calling me to come and pick your sorry ass up because you're afraid to drive?" He nodded.

"Ja. Zat about sums it up," he confirmed. She sighed.

"Fine. But you owe me for this."

"Ja, ja. I know."

"Alright, fine. I'll be there in ten."

"Alright. Oh and Beauregard?"

"Yeah?"

"Danke."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll see ya soon, Pansy." They both hung up then, and Caleb walked out to go and wait. Knowing how his roommate drove it really wouldn't take ten minutes. It would be closer to five, but he wasn't about to argue with one of the girls he knew could easily kick his ass.

Sure enough, the deep blue jeep of his roommate arrived five minutes after she said she would and the surly woman stomped into Caddy's Curiosities. She greeted the pink haired proprietor with a wave and he pointed her towards the Zemnian sitting in a plush armchair.

"What the fuck am I gonna do with you?" she asked. He shrugged.

"So let me see the big bad boo boo," she teased him. He scowled at her.

"It is a cut, Beauregard and nosink more zan zat," he insisted.

"Ah…Miss Beau," Caduceus called out. They both turned to look at him. He was holding a teacup in his hand and smiling warmly like he always did.

"Yeah?"

"You really should take him to get a tetanus shot. That nail was pretty old," he told her. She nodded and rolled her eyes. A violent sigh erupted from her as she pulled her Zemnian roommate to his feet and out the door. Admittedly she was a bit rougher than she should have been, but right now she didn't care. She was pissed. She really hated taking the stubborn scaredy-cat for shots, and she especially hated how she always had to hold him down for them.

"Come on, Widogast! You're more trouble than you're worth sometimes," she huffed in exasperation. The pair climbed into her car, her closing the door with far more force than was really necessary, and she drove off.

It didn't take long for Caleb to realize that they were going the wrong way. It was one of the things that drove her crazy about him. The man was a walking encyclopedia, and he would spout off trivia and various other facts or just go on and on about some new thing he learned for hours. Frantically, he looked around.

"Vhere are you takink me?" he asked in a shaky voice.

"Gods, you are such a pussy, Caleb. And you have the immune system of a fucking twig. There's no way that I'm about to let you just go home and risk getting a fucking infection or gods know what the fuck else just because you're a wuss," she ground out. If he had been frightened before, he was terrified now. So terrified in fact that she was glad that her car's passenger side door lock was busted. If it hadn't have been, she doubted that he'd have been in the car for much longer, despite the fact that she was making a new land speed record to the urgent care.

It was certainly a sight to behold watching the pair of them entering the pristine white building. It was more like he was a reluctant pet being dragged to the vet's rather than a tall skinny man being taken to the doctor's. The receptionist greets them with a snort and barely contained chuckles as Beau wrestles a flailing Caleb inside. All the while he curses and begs and pleads in several different languages, all but one she was familiar with.

"Will you just sit the fuck down and be quiet, ya big baby?" It wasn't long before a nurse came bouncing out into the waiting room. She was unlike any other nurse that either of them had ever seen. Her shrubs had all manner of unicorns and sparkles on them. Two bright rainbow lollipop earrings dangled from her ears, and her short chin-length hair was a deep blue color. She didn't even bother looking at the patient folders before approaching them.

"Hi, I'm Jester," she introduced.

"And you must be Cayleb," she said to the still shaking man.

"Come with me, Cayleb. I have something I have to give you." She didn't wait for a reply. She just skipped off.

"But wait…hold on.." Beau protested, but the nurse wasn't listening. She dragged Caleb to his feet and continued dragging him the whole way to the small room Jester led them too, once again cursing and flailing the whole time. Jester smiled at them as they came in and gestured for him to take a seat.

"I've just gotta warn ya that he can be a bit of a pain in the fucking ass to give you know what's to," Beau whispered conspiratorially.

"Don't worry. I have a secret weapon against that," Jester whispered back.

"You know I can still hear you," Caleb said but neither woman paid him any mind.

"Now you just sit here, Cayleb. I have something very special to give to you," she told him. He shook his head furiously.

"I know vhy I am here. You can't fool me like I am some sort of child," he insisted.

"Oh really?! So you're like a smart guy, huh?" Jester asked. Neither Caleb nor Beau could tell if she was being serious or not.

"Uh….." he trailed off. Beau giggled. It wasn't often that the Zemnian was at a loss for words. Gods was she gonna treasure every moment of this. Jester giggled at him, and it was such a delightful sound to his ears. It sounded like sweet music or even like water flowing down a river. She winked at him, and a deep flush came to his cheeks. It wasn't often that he found himself this flustered, and especially not by someone he had only just met. But flustered he was.

She approached him slowly and gently placed a well manicured hand on his arm. The nails weren't very long, he noted, but they were a very pretty pink color that contrasted quite nicely with her blue hair. She ran her fingers up and down his arms, and against his better judgement he actually began relaxing. She leaned in and gently placed a kiss on his lips. It was his first kiss in nearly twenty years.

He had never seen her pull out the needle, nor did he see her put it in his arm, hell he didn't even feel it when it went in. All he was focused on was this strange nurse in front of him and her lips on his. All too soon she broke away. A bright mischievous smile was on her face.

"All done! Now see that wasn't so hard was it?" she asked. He looked down then. Down at the arm she had touched with her hand. It now had a bandaid with multi-colored unicorns on it. He was angry and more than a little shocked that this strange woman was not only able to pull one over on him, but that she was also able to put him in such a stupor in the first place.

"Wow! I'll admit it! You've got skill, Girl," Beau said. Caleb recognized the tone. It was her I'm horny tone. Her I want to bed this woman tone. He rolled his eyes. Jester simply laughed that sweet laugh again, and he nearly swooned. He shook his head to clear the thoughts away. There was no way that he was going to allow himself to fall for another woman. Not after his last relationship had ended so disastrously.

"So can I like call you sometime?" Beau was asking. Caleb didn't hear Jester's reply as he was too focused on her placing something in his hand.

"If you ever need me to kiss away your bad shots away again, just give me a call. Or you could just call me, and we could like totally hang out and stuff….Well, I mean we would technically have to hang out when I'm not at work and stuff technically but…" she was ranting but Caleb simply nodded curtly.

"Ja. I…uh..I vould like zat….uh..…Jester," he stuttered. It was the first actual words he had spoken to her and she shrieked with delight. Her bright and cheery smile shocked a small shy smile out of him. It was his first real smile since….well he didn't want to think about anything that came before. That was in his past and it was a painful past at that. All he wanted to think about was this moment. Oh and maybe the future, so long as Jester was a part of it.

"Okay so it's settled….Oh we are gonna be like the best of friends, you guys!" she gushed. She flashed him another smile as she lead them back out to the waiting room. The normally hyperaware Zemnian couldn't tell you what happen after or when they got home or how long they were there. He was lost in his thoughts. Beau and Nott knew better than to disturb him when he got like this. It often ended badly when you did.

It wasn't long after that Jester Lavorre became another one of their friends. Her joyful pranks and easy smiles became the delight of all their friends. And it was said that from that fateful day on, Caleb Widogast was no longer afraid to get any shots, at least as long as Jester was around to give them to him.


End file.
